Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
