oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
