Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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