I seem to have left my pride at pride
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
