you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
