we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
