i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
