just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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