I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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