We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
