Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
