as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
