I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
