Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He better not be in your backpack
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
