I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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