he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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