i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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