we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
