you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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