I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
