I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
