This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
