If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
