he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
