Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
