Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
