I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
