i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
