yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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