I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enjoy the penises
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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