Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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