If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
