You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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