I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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