He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
