clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
