I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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