where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
