Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
