I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
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Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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