Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
