margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
