this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
