THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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