so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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