1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
