We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
