and you said cock pushups were impossible
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
