I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
