I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
