did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
