At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
