i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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