i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
