Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.