help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You need Xanax blowdarts
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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