it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
