you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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