It's Friday. Sex?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
