I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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