I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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