I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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