I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
