i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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