The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
