Me too!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
