when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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