respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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