I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
