i would punch a child for taco bell
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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