I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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